It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

Thanksgiving is over and it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas! There are lights going up everywhere and trees in the windows. We just need some snow and we will look like a Thomas Kincaid picture.

But what does it look like inside your four walls? What's the atmosphere? Are you fighting? Are you giving one another the silent treatment? What's it like inside your marriage picture? Is your picture one that you would proudly put up on the wall for everyone to see or is it one you would rather hide in the closet?

Here are a few tips to help you in your marriage picture during this season.

• Don't have unrealistic expectations - easier said than done. The commercials, the pictures, the movies, they all set us up for unrealistic expectations. You may not have the funds to completely redecorate the entire house with Christmas decorations. Your family may have a limited budget for gifts and food - here's the solution - make the best of what you have and enjoy the people you are with. No one's Christmas is perfect. You have family dynamics that will not necessarily change for this one week of time. So, don't expect your grumpy, critical in-law to all of a sudden be another person for Christmas dinner - accept them for who they are and don't get caught in unrealistic expectations.
• Manage Your Time - there are still only 24 hours in a day during the Christmas season. While there will seem that there is more to do - it is really that there are different things to do. Don't get that confused. If you have three hours in the evening after work before the Christmas holidays, you will still have 3 hours after work during the Christmas holidays - how you use that time is what changes. Decide what you want to do - and do it. The word "no" is completely acceptable.
• Enjoy Your Family - Enjoy the holidays with your family. Your family and my family may look different. Your family may be your neighbors or friends - either way, enjoy the time. Determine within your heart that this time will be enjoyable! Don't be miserable.
• Keep Christ the Focus of this Christmas - It is hard for some people to realize that the whole purpose of this holiday is because God sent his one and only son to be born so that we could live. Celebrate the way He would want to celebrate. Give the way He gave. Remember that it really isn't about us - it is about Him. When we focus on Him, He will make it the best holiday ever for us!

So, remember everyone has a picture - you decide what it looks like! Merry Christmas!!!!!

Go on your December Date! Visit www.bmky.org then click on the MarriedLife page!

The Great Date Experience

Oh my goodness, where has the time gone - it is almost Thanksgiving! I want to encourage you to look at your calendar with your spouse and decide on a time for your first "Great Date Experience"! If you don't take control of your calendar - others will. You must make your relationship with your spouse the top priority!

This month's date is special - it's the one that most of the men will love - it's all about Nurturing Romance! Guys, I encourage you to take the lead here. Be pro-active. Set the date. Let her know you are serious about building a strong marriage. Let her know you care about your relationship - I promise it will pay off for you!!!!

Get your priorities in line before the fun Christmas season overtakes your life. Remember, if you don't - someone else will!

MarriedLife

The kick-off for the MarriedLife group is this weekend! Bill and I are so excited about launching this among our friends. We believe in marriage - strong marriage! We believe it is the best gift your can give your family.

We wanted to share what we consider to be the TOP6 of Marriage. Every date is built around at least one of these principles. I'm sure we could offer a longer list - but we thought we would condense!

TRUST GOD -

Sounds simple enough, but some of us have control issues. So we have discovered in order to have a strong marriage, we have to allow God to control our lives.

HURRY HOME -

Everyone is busy and there doesn't seem to be enough time in the day for all of our activities so we will have to cheat someone out of some time - Cheat Work, Cheat Friends, but Don't Cheat HOME! Home is your refuge, your safe place, it has to be a priority - so Hurry Home!

CULTIVATE COMMUNICATION -

Everyone wants to be understood. Communication is the way to do it. Many times we are too concerned with our side - we are asking the question, "How can I feel understood?" Maybe a better question is, "How can I understand?"

NURTURE ROMANCE -

Romance, Sex and Intimacy can be marriage's biggest ally or biggest enemy. We believe the goal should be to remember first that your spouse has certain needs - and hey, who better to meet them than you. . . it's the best way!

CELEBRATE DIFFERENCES -

News Flash! "Men and women are different"! Don't allow your God-given differences to pull you apart - let them draw you together. It's crucial for couples to seek to understand and accept each other's differences. Give it a try!

FINISH TOGETHER -

One essential thing every healthy marriage needs is security. People need to know that as a couple, they can work out anything, accomplish anything and Finish Together!

Our prayer is that you will be encouraged to combine these TOP6 and have a strong, long-lasting marriage! We are anxious to hear about your first Great Date Experience! Log on and start the conversation!

Marriage

Love and Marriage. . . . I've been giving it a lot of thought lately. Is it possible to have both? In today's society it seems that all couples want both - they just don't know how to get it. Personally, after having been at this marriage thing for 24 years this July, I think I can say it is not only possible - but necessary!

Marriage is like learning a skill. You can read books and go to seminars (which I hope you come to ours) to learn skill sets that will help you have a strong marriage relationship. There are communication skills, personality tests, finance quizzes and many other resources to help you learn about your spouse. You can learn what words to say and how to say them. You can learn whether you are the spender or the saver of the relationship. You can learn to determine how your partners personality bends him/her in their emotions. So, can marriage be "learned" - yes, I think so.

So, now the question becomes - can "love" be learned? Is love a skill? Is love a state of being? What really are we asking when we say Love and Marriage? I don't think love can be learned - the attributes of love can be practiced - but love itself is something much deeper. It goes beyond our human mind and learning process. It requires us to "become" something.

There is only one definition that ever fully described in detail this vague word that we call love. Here it is, "God is love". I John 4:8 WOW - what a definition! Do you feel better about knowing what it is? Probably not. Now you see the dilemna. You have to "become" something - you have to become love. The way you do that is to become like God - you have to get the DNA of God. How do you do this? You become His child. He desires to have you as His child. He even provided a way through His son, Jesus. When you become God's child, you take on his attributes and characteristics. Pretty soon people begin to notice by the way you act and the way you talk and the way you think and they say, "Hey, isn't that a child of love?"

You can have "Love and Marriage" - it is not just a grand thought or wish. Get acquainted!

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is (springs) from God; and he who loves [his fellowmen] is begotten (born) of God and is coming [progressively] to know and understand God [to perceive and recognize and get a better and clearer knowledge of Him].
He who does not love has not become acquainted with God [does not and never did know Him], for God is love. I John 4: 7-8

Love and Marriage - It's Possible! Workshop
Sunday, April 5, 2009
1 - 6 pm with Dinner Included
Crown Plaza Louisville

This is a workshop designed to help couples process the six "hot topics" of marriage before it begins. Topics such as, "Marry Me, Marry My Family", N2MeUC, "You Spent HOW Much?", "Can You Hear Me Now?", "Fighting Fair" and "Leaving a Lasting Legacy". This will be a fun-filled afternoon that gives couples the resources to deal with some tough issues. In a group setting couples will learn effective tools of communication, finance and legacy building.

Visit our website at www.bmky.org to register and get more information!

My husband and I have adopted a new policy. Everytime we are faced with a situation that does not settle well with us we look at one another and make a determination - is it or is it not "our problem"? Is this something we should expend our energy and time on? If it is something that "really" doesn't pertain to us or we do not have the power to change it - we look at one another and say "NMP" - "Not My Problem".

We have wasted hours, maybe even months being upset, angry, frustrated and more on issues that are - not our problem. We have learned over the past couple of years that having "No Drama" as our number one rule is an absolute must for us. By realizing that some things are beyond our control, we have eliminated drama, stress, frustration and anger from our lives.

Here's the reality of life - everyone makes decisions. Some good, some bad. Some will bleed over into our world and how we handle them will determine the climate of our life. Realize that just because someone makes a decision that you don't like does not mean that you have to carry the weight of it. They will answer for it - good or bad. They will either be the hero or the villan - either way, you get to choose what you will do with other people's decisions. You can either own them or turn them over to Christ and allow Him to handle it.

If you find that your home is full of frustration, anger, stress and negative energy - ask yourself an honest question - "Is this really my problem?" You might be surprised at the answer.

"Casting the whole of your care (all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all) on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully"

I Peter 5:7 AMP